Volume 3 - The Boredom of Suzumiya Haruhi Read online

  If Orihime and Hikoboshi were to hear such wishes, I’m sure they’ll suffer headaches. They can only meet each other once every year, and yet they’re being asked to grant such silly wishes. Why don’t you ask your own politicians to help instead? If I were them, I would definitely say that.

  However, as always, this girl was thinking up all sorts of nonsensical stuff. I can’t help but wonder if there’s a white hole inside her head, since her common sense seems to come from a different universe altogether.

  “Well, that’s not entirely true.”

  Koizumi actually sounded like he was defending Haruhi. But he said it very softly which only I could hear.

  “It’s true that Suzumiya-san’s speech and behaviour are unique, but judging from the present situation, it’s clear that she knows what common sense is.”

  Koizumi revealed his usual cheerful smile to me and continued,

  “If her thought patterns were abnormal, then this world wouldn’t be so stable. If that were the case, this world would have already become a strange one dictated by very peculiar rules.”

  “How do you know that?” I asked.

  “Suzumiya-san wishes that the whole world would change a bit, and she herself possesses the power to reconstruct the world from scratch. You should know very well.”

  Of course I knew. Though I had doubts.

  “Yet so far the world has not gone completely irrational, this is because she values common sense more than her own wishes.”

  “This may sound childish, but,” Koizumi lifted his head and said,

  “Let’s take an example, she wishes for Santa Claus to exist. From common knowledge, Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Because considering Japan alone, it’s just not possible for someone to enter a locked house in the middle of the night, leave a present then leave without ever being detected. How does Santa Claus know what every child wants for Christmas? And there’s no way he could leave a present in the house of every child around the world in the space of one night. It’s physically impossible.”

  For someone to actually consider these things seriously, they must truly be mental.

  “Exactly, so that is why Santa Claus could not exist.”

  The reason I rebutted him was because he was standing on Haruhi’s side, and that really pisses me off. So I raised my question,

  “If you’re right, doesn’t that mean it’s impossible for aliens, time travelers and espers to exist? Then how come you’re here?”

  “Which is why I could imagine, Suzumiya-san feels very uncomfortable with the common sense that exists within her. Her common sense has once and again rejected her wish - that is to have a world where supernatural occurrences are the norm.”

  Does that mean her wild thoughts have a slight edge over her common sense?

  “Perhaps she was unable to suppress those thoughts, which was why I, Asahina-san and Nagato-san were summoned to her side, and why I was granted supernatural powers. Though I’m not sure what you would think of it.”

  It’s best to remain unsure. At least I’m not like you, I’m fully aware that I’m a normal human being.

  But I have no way of knowing if that’s a blessing or a curse.

  “Hey you! No talking in private! I’m discussing something serious here!”

  Not pleased that we were whispering among ourselves, Haruhi’s eyes become triangular shaped as she glared and shouted at us. So we had to obediently receive the tanzakus and pencils from Haruhi and returned to our seats.

  Haruhi hummed and began writing; Nagato sat still and stared at the tanzaku; while Asahina-san had the troubled expression of encountering something harder than a difficult math problem. Koizumi said in a relaxed manner, “Hmm, now that’s a bother”, while tilting his head in deep thought. Do you three really need to think so seriously for such a matter? Wouldn’t it be easier to just take it easy and write whatever you like?

  ……And don’t tell me that the wishes you wrote are going to become true!

  I spun the pencil around my fingers and looked aside. The bamboo shoot that Haruhi “stole” was lying out of the opened window, its leaves look messed up as a result. The occasional breeze made a ruffling noise among the leaves, making one feel cool and relaxed at once.

  “Is everyone done?”

  Haruhi’s voice brought my soul back to reality. On the table in front of her were two notes that read:

  “Let the world revolve around me as its centre!”

  “I wish the earth would rotate backwards.”

  It was full of what a spoilt mischievous kid would write. It would have been fine if it were meant as a joke, yet Haruhi looked so dead serious when she hung her tanzakus on the bamboo leaf.

  It was full of what a spoilt mischievous kid would write. It would have been fine if it were meant as a joke, yet Haruhi looked so dead serious when she hung her tanzakus on the bamboo leaf.

  Asahina-san wrote in her cute and tidy handwriting:

  “I wish my sewing would improve”

  “I wish my cooking would improve”

  The wishes Asahina-san made were just too adorable. She clasped her palms and prayed at the tanzakus that she hung on the bamboo leaf. I think she must have got something wrong.

  There was nothing interesting on Nagato’s tanzakus, writing in a very regular font, she wrote abstract monotonous words such as “harmonize” and “reorganize”.

  Koizumi was no different from Nagato, writing in a scribbled handwriting, he wrote simple phrases like “world peace” and “fraternal family”.

  What about me? Mine was simple as well. Since it’s twenty-five and sixteen years in the future, I would be an old geezer by then, so I guess the future me would wish for the following:

  “I want money”

  “I want a detached house with a garden where I can give a dog a bath”

  “Such boring wishes!”

  Haruhi declared her thoughts looking astonished after seeing my notes. She was the least qualified to feel surprise by my wishes. In the long term, my wishes are far healthier than one that asking the earth to rotate backwards!

  “Forget it! Everyone, make sure you remember the wishes that you’ve written down! The first key period would be sixteen years from now. Let’s have a race to see whose wish the Alpha Aquilae would grant first!”

  “Ah……sure, of course.”

  I looked as Asahina-san nodded her head with a serious expression as I sat on the foldable chair. When I looked carefully, Nagato had returned to her world of books already.

  Haruhi stuck the long bamboo shoot out of the window and then put it in a firm position. She then pulled a chair besides the window and sat on it. She placed her elbow on the window frame and looked up at the sky. The side of her face looked a little bit melancholic, as though not knowing what to do next. She is the sort of person whose mood swings very rapidly, and she was yelling so excitedly a while ago.

  I opened my text book, and began my attempt to tackle the exams once more. As I tried to memorize the different types of adjectives,

  “……Sixteen years huh? That’s a long time.”

  I heard Haruhi mutter under her breath behind me.

  Nagato was silently reading her foreign language novel, Koizumi began to play chess on his own, while I was busy trying to memorize my English translations. All this time, Haruhi was sitting by the window and looking up at the sky. She was actually quite a beautiful view to behold if she keeps on sitting there and doesn’t move. At first I thought that she had decided to take a leaf from Nagato’s book, but somehow the sight of Haruhi sitting there behaving herself just made me even more uneasy. I suspect she was probably sitting there thinking of new things that would give us a major headache.

  Meanwhile, for some reason, Haruhi looked particularly depressed today. Sometimes she would look into the sky and breathe a deep sigh. This made me shudder even more. This silence was probably the calm before the storm, it’s just too terrifying. The Emperor Sutoku was like that for the first
two to three days after being exiled to Sanuki.

  Rustle I heard the sound of paper rustling and lifted my head. Sitting opposite of me and working hard on her math problems a while ago, Asahina-san placed a finger on her lips and closed her right eye, she then gave me an extra tanzaku which she took in advance a while ago. Peeping at Haruhi, Asahina-san then retracted her hand and lowered her head with the face of a little girl who had just successfully pulled a prank.

  My urge to become an accomplice in crime has now fully awakened, I quickly pulled over the tanzaku Asahina-san gave me and read it carefully.

  “Please stay in the club room after today’s activity has ended. - Mikuru-chan”

  The above message was written on the note in a small and round handwriting.

  Of course I would comply.

  “That’s it for today.”

  Haruhi said and quickly picked her bag and left the room. She was behaving rather unusual for today. She was like a diesel engine truck that has suddenly become as tame as a solar powered car. Things sure are going fine for me today, I thought.

  “Then I shall excuse myself as well.”

  Koizumi tidied up his chess board and stood up. After exchanging glances with me and Asahina-san, he too left the Literature Club room.

  Nagato shut her thick book with a loud thud. Oh, so you’re leaving as well? Thanks for understanding……Just as I was feeling grateful for her, Nagato walked towards me as silently as a cat.

  “Take this.”

  She took out a piece of paper. It was another tanzaku. I can’t help you send this to space even if you give it to me! I thought to myself as I looked at the tanzaku.

  Strange geometric shapes were drawn on it. What on earth is this? Some sort of Sumerian language? I’m afraid not even the Enigma machine would be able to decipher the meaning of this message.

  I frowned and studied these patterns, which were neither drawings nor words, with triangular, circular and wave-like shapes all over. By now Nagato had turned around to pack her bag, and had left the room already.

  Forget it. I placed the piece of tanzaku into my jacket pocket, then turned to face Asahina-san.

  “I, I’m sorry, but I hope you could come with me to a place.”

  This invitation didn’t come from anyone else, but from Asahina-san herself. I’ll be condemned by the heavens if I turn her down. I’d even jump down a molten iron pit as long as she commands me to.

  “Sure, where’re we going?”

  “That……um……it’s three years ago.”

  I asked for a location, and she answered with a time instead. But……

  Not three years ago again? I thought to myself, yet I was suddenly interested. After all, Asahina-san claims to be a time-traveler from an unknown future, though I keep forgetting about that since she’s just so cute. But three years ago? We’re going to three years ago? Does that mean we have to travel through time?

  “Y……yes.”

  “Sure, I’m more than happy to go, but why me? What’re we going to do there?”

  “That……you’ll know when you get there……I think.”

  Huh?

  Maybe it was the confused look on my face, Asahina-san frantically shook her hands and pleaded with me with tears in her eyes,

  “I beg you! Please don’t ask anything and just agree for now! Or I’ll be in……um……it will become a problem.”

  “Well……alright, let’s go.”

  “Really? Thank you!”

  Asahina-san was glad and grabbed my hands joyously. Ah, Asahina-san’s happiness is my happiness, hahaha!!!

  Now that I think about it, when Asahina-san declared that she was from the future, there was no one else to verify her claim. It wasn’t until I encountered another grown-up version of Asahina-san that I truly believed her story, yet I still can’t deny having suspicions about some sort of conspiracy behind this. Then wouldn’t this be a great chance to really prove that “Asahina-san comes from the future”?

  “So, where’s the time machine?”

  I had thought we only needed to crawl into a drawer, but Asahina-san said there was no such device. Then how were we going to commence time travel? Asahina-san squirmed and clutched her apron, then said,

  “From here.”

  Huh? Here? I turned and looked nonchalantly around the club room, which was empty besides the two of us.

  “Yes, please sit down. And could you please close your eyes? Yes, relax your shoulders as well.”

  I did as she told me to. I hope I don’t get struck on the back of my head suddenly.

  “Kyon-kun……”

  Asahina-san’s suppressed voice came in from behind my ear. Such a soft breath.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I had a bad feeling about this. As I was about to open my eyes, suddenly everything went dark around me. I was knocked unconscious as I felt a strong nauseating feeling as though losing my balance. Before the darkness came, I thought to myself, I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I had known.

  When I regained my senses, my vision was inverted by 90 degrees. Everything that was supposed to be standing was now lying flat, when I saw the street lamps sticking out from my left side to my right, I realized I was lying down. It was then I felt a warm feeling by the left side of my head.

  “Oh, you’ve awakened?”

  An angelic voice said. I was fully awake now. What was that squirming under my left ear?

  “Um……if you don’t lift your head……then I would be……”

  Asahina-san sounds troubled. I pulled myself upright and confirmed where I was.

  A bench in the park at night.

  What’s going on here? I was sleeping on Asahina-san’s knees, and because I was sleeping, I have absolutely no memory of it. This is such a pity.

  “My legs are getting numb already, it’s becoming tiring.”

  Asahina-san smiled with embarrassment and lowered her head. I don’t know where she went to get changed, but her maid costume has now been replaced by her North High sailor uniform. There was more than enough time from dusk to late night for her to get changed, as I had fallen asleep for the whole time. But, why was I sleeping?

  “That’s because I can’t let you know the methods of traveling through time, since that’s classified information……are you angry?”

  No, I’m not angry at all. If it were Haruhi, I’d have already beaten the crap out of her; but since this is Asahina-san, then I wouldn’t mind at all.

  Speaking of which, I was just closing my eyes and sitting on the chair in the club room a while ago, why was I suddenly in the park in the middle of the night now? And I feel like I’ve been to this park before. I remember Nagato also asked to meet me in this park the other day, is this some holy ground for queer people?

  I scratched my head, there was something I needed to ask,

  “What time plane is this?”

  Sitting besides me, Asahina-san replied,

  “From our time of origin, it is now July 7th three years ago. It’s about nine at night, I guess?”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yes.”

  She looked serious.

  I never thought we would come here so easily. Of course, I wasn’t naive enough to believe everything she tells me, I would have to confirm first. I’ll try calling the time and weather hotline.

  As I was about to tell Asahina-san what I planned to do, my left shoulder suddenly felt heavy. Huh? Asahina-san was now lying her head on my shoulder. An exhausted Asahina-san now leaned on me; what’s the meaning behind this?

  “Asahina-san.”

  No response.

  “Um……”

  “(Snore)……”

  Snoring?

  I leaned my head forward then turned 85 degrees to the left, and saw Asahina-san with her eyes closed, her lips half-opened as she made a quiet snore. What’s going on here?

  Rustle……

  The bushes behind suddenly rustled. I felt my heart leaping out of my mouth,
what was that?

  “Is she asleep?”

  Coming out of the bushes was none other than……another Asahina-san.

  “Good evening, Kyon-kun.”

  It was the deluxe version of Asahina-san. A pretty young lady, though much older than the Asahina-san sleeping on my shoulder, this Asahina-san has grown fully in every part. While still looking cute, her charm has increased tenfold. I’ve met her before once, and like last time, she was wearing a white blouse and blue tight miniskirt. This Asahina-san now walked to our front.

  “Hee hee, from this view,”

  The adult Asahina-san pinched on the sleeping Asahina-san’s cheeks and said,

  “She looks just like a child.”

  Looking nostalgic, Asahina-san (big) caressed the sailor uniform of Asahina-san (small),

  “So is this how I look in that age?”

  Feeling the soft breaths of Asahina-san (small) on my arm, I couldn’t move and sat still, looking in awe at Asahina-san (big).

  “It was her mission to bring you here, yet from here onwards, it will be my mission to guide you.”

  Looking like an idiot, I asked Asahina-san, who gave a mature aura even when smiling,

  “Um……just what is……”

  “I can’t explain in detail, since it’s classified. All I can do now is guide you.”

  I turned to look at the Asahina-san sleeping on my shoulder.

  “It was I who made her sleep, since I can’t be seen by her.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because when I was her, I didn’t see myself.”

  That reason sounded clear yet confusing at the same time. The charming Asahina-san closed one eye and said,

  “Go south following the rail track over there, you’ll come to a public junior high school. Could you please go help the person standing outside the school fence? Can you go right now? And I hope you don’t mind carrying this me along as well, I shouldn’t be too heavy.”

  She sounded like one of those villagers in those role-playing games. I wonder what treasure I would obtain as a reward?