Volume 3 - The Boredom of Suzumiya Haruhi Read online

  When I proposed to withdraw in favor of them progressing to the next round, the opposing team’s captain wept while thanking us gratefully. I felt so guilty seeing him like that, since we had used some very absurd cheating in order to steal this victory.

  As I was about to leave quickly, the captain called me back, and whispered quietly into my ear,

  “Say, how much are you willing to sell that bat of yours for?”

  And so, besides Koizumi, we were now occupying the corner of a restaurant as we munched away at our food.

  My sister has already got herself entangled with Haruhi and Asahina-san, as she sat between the two of them while eating her hamburger by picking it up with her knife haphazardously; while Taniguchi and Kunikida were seriously discussing about joining the Baseball Team. Sigh, I’d best leave them alone. Meanwhile, Tsuruya-san has now turned her attention towards Nagato, “So you’re Nagato Yuki-chan? Mikuru tells me a lot about you.” Yet her silent under-classman paid no heed to Tsuruya-san and concentrated on munching her club sandwich.

  As though she was about to make an important speech, Haruhi announced to everyone that I would be paying. I have never quite understood why Haruhi would have such wild ideas. I’ve have never really managed to grasp how her mind works, so I’m not exactly surprised at what’s happening every day. I couldn’t even be bothered to protest, as it was too troublesome. That’s not all, I even felt relaxed as though a storm had finally subsided.

  All of this was because a substantial amount of extra money appeared mysteriously in my pocket.

  I sincerely pray for the best for the Kamigahara Pirates.

  A few days later.

  After school, we gathered as usual in a room inside the clubs complex, and returned to our previous lifestyle, as though the baseball tournament a few days ago never happened.

  I sipped the brown rice tea Asahina-san, now dressed in her maid costume, brewed for me, while playing Othello with Koizumi. Nagato sat beside us reading her philosophy book that she borrowed from the library, which was as thick as a dictionary. By the way, Asahina-san wore today’s costume as per our request. After all, doesn’t it just feel better to be served by a maid than by a nurse? Asahina-san held the tray tightly and watched pleasantly at our battle on the board.

  This tranquility was no different from before.

  And the one destroying this peacefulness, drowning it in the wild torrents of time would always be Suzumiya Haruhi.

  “Sorry, I’m late!”

  Haruhi apologized insincerely while creeping in like a winter drift.

  The sparkling grin that she wears on her face just gives me the creeps. For some reason, every time she smiles like that, I would sense a scheme from her that would make me even more exhausted physically and mentally. What an incredible world.

  Just as I expected, Haruhi asked ambiguously, “Which is better?”

  I placed down my black Othello piece on the board, and after flipping over two of Koizumi’s white pieces, I said,

  “What do you mean which?”

  “These.”

  I reluctantly received two pieces of paper Haruhi handed me.

  Not flyers again. I took a quick glance at both sheets. One was a notice for a grass-field soccer tournament, while the other was one for a grass-field American football tournament. I secretly cursed the person who took the time to print these flyers from the bottom of my heart.

  “Actually, I never wanted to join the baseball tournament, but had wanted to choose from these two instead, but the baseball one was held earlier. So Kyon, which do you think is better?”

  With a gloomy heart, I slowly moved my gaze across the club room. Koizumi made a small grimace and toyed with the Othello piece in his finger; Asahina-san shook her head constantly, her face nearly in tears, while Nagato simply continued to read her book, occasionally flipping the pages with her fingers.

  “Oh yeah, how many people do we need for a soccer or American football team? Would the people from the baseball tournament be enough?”

  I looked at Haruhi’s beaming smile and wondered, “Which game requires fewer players?”

  Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody

  The month of May was already hot enough, but July was just unbearable. The humidity was even worse, raising my unhappiness index to record high levels. There was no chance a cheap high school building like ours would be installed with such high class devices like air conditioning. The sizzling 1-5 classroom was like the waiting room for the bus to hell. I firmly believed the architect had no concept of what “comfortable living environment” meant.

  To make things worse, this week was the first week of the July term-end exams, the joyfulness of my heart had gone on to linger around Brazil, not wanting to come back yet.

  My mid-term exam results were already disastrous, so I can’t imagine my term-end exam would ever have a satisfying result. This was most likely due to me spending too much time with the SOS Brigade, and not being able to concentrate on my studies as a result. I didn’t want to have anything to do with that, but ever since spring this year, whenever Haruhi makes a suggestion, I would mysteriously follow her around. This has become part of my daily life, and I’m beginning to hate myself for getting used to this life.

  It was after school when the sun shone in from the west into the classroom. The girl sitting behind me poked my back with her mechanical pencil.

  “Do you know what day is today?”

  Suzumiya Haruhi asked me with the delightful look of a kid on Christmas Eve. Whenever she reveals such a detailed expression, it was the sign that she was probably up to something mischievous. I pretended to think for about three seconds, and then said,

  “Your birthday?”

  “No!”

  “Asahina-san’s birthday.”

  “No~~pe!”

  “Koizumi’s or Nagato’s birthday.”

  “How should I know when their birthdays are!?”

  “By the way, my birthday’s on……”

  “Who cares about that? You really don’t know what an important day this is?”

  No matter how important you say it is, it’s still a very hot, normal day for me.

  “Tell me, what’s the date today?”

  “July 7th……I don’t really want to think about it, but you’re not thinking of the Tanabata festival, are you?”

  “Of course I am! It’s the Tanabata festival! You ought to remember if you even call yourself a Japanese.”

  This festival actually originated from China. And according to the Chinese calendar, Tanabata should be next month.

  Haruhi held the mechanical pencil and waved it in front of my face,

  “Asia ranges from the Red Sea all the way to here.”

  What kind of geographical concept is that?

  “Don’t they group all those places together for the World Cup Qualifiers? It’s just like July and August, they’re both summer months.”

  Oh, really?

  “Whatever. Anyway we’ve got to hold a Tanabata activity as well. I insist that this festival be treated seriously.”

  I felt there were other things that deserved to be treated seriously more than this. But do you really have to tell me this? I don’t really want to know what you’re planning to do.

  “It’ll be more fun if we hold it together. I hereby announce, we shall organize something big for Tanabata every year from this year onwards.”

  “Don’t decide this on your own.”

  Though I had said that, seeing that Haruhi was looking extraordinarily excited, I knew it was a stupid thing to try and refute her.

  “Wait for me in the club room! Don’t go home on your own!” She even said.

  I didn’t need her to tell me, I was planning to go to the club room anyway. Because there exists a person that I must at least look at once. Just that person alone.

  The other members were already gathered in the club room, which was located on the second floor of the arts clubhouse. Instead of calling it the club roo
m the SOS Brigade rented from the Literature Club, it would be a better description to call it the de-facto headquarters that the brigade has forcibly occupied.

  “Oh, hello.”

  The one who smiled and greeted me cheerfully was Asahina-san. She is the source of my heart’s comfort, without her, the SOS Brigade would be as meaningless as curry rice without any curry cubes added.

  Since July, Asahina-san had changed to a summer maid costume. It was Haruhi that brought her the costume, I have absolutely no idea where she got all these colourful costumes from, while Asahina-san would always thank her intently, “Ah……t…thank you very much.” Today she was still the SOS Brigade’s reserve maid, diligently brewing wheat tea for me. I sipped my tea and studied the room surroundings.

  “Hey, how’re things going?”

  Koizumi looked up and greeted me. He was sitting in front of a chess board, which was laid on the table, and was holding a chess book on one hand while moving the chess pieces with the other.

  “Things have never been normal for me ever since I entered high school.”

  Koizumi said he was tired of Othello, so decided to bring a chess board last week. But since I nor anyone else knew how to play chess, he had to play all on his own. He sure looks relaxed even though the exams are coming up.

  “Well, I’m not exactly that relaxed. I’m just making use of the time when I’m not studying to exercise my brain. For every problem solved, the blood circulation in the brain would flow faster. How about a game?”

  No thanks, I don’t feel like exercising my already exhausted brain right now. If I think of any more weird stuff, then all those English words that I’ve spent a hard time memorizing will be ejected from my brain.

  “That’s a pity. Maybe I should bring a Monopoly or Battleship board next time? Ah yes, how about something which all of us can play in? What do you have in mind?”

  Whatever, or maybe not. This isn’t the Board Game Study Group, this is the SOS Brigade. By the way, I’m still mystified as to what activities the SOS Brigade are involved in. I wasn’t sure what this mysterious club should be doing. Neither did I want to know, since not knowing anything enhances my chances of survival. So I was not motivated to do anything, that is my perfect logic.

  Koizumi shrugged his shoulders and went back to study his chess book. He picked up the black knight and moved it across the board.

  Sitting beside Koizumi, with less emotions than a robot was Nagato Yuki, who was busy reading her book. This silent and cold alien has shifted her interests from translated novels to original foreign-language novels. Right now she was reading a book, whose cover was scribbled in a language I could not recognize, like one of those old, thick magical spell books. I guessed it must be written in ancient Etruscan or some other strange language. I’m sure Nagato would have no problem reading those Linear A stone tablets.

  I pulled out a foldable chair and sat on it. Asahina-san quickly delivered a cup in front of me. Who would drink hot tea in such a hot day…… I have no intention of making a complaint which would incur the wrath of the heavens, and sipped my wheat tea with a sense of gratefulness. Hmm, it’s boiling hot.

  Standing in the corner of the room was an electric fan which Haruhi nicked from somewhere. Yet its cooling effects were like pouring hot water over a pile of sizzling hot rocks at best. If you can nick, why can’t you nick one of those vertical air coolers from the staff room instead?

  I turned my gaze away from the English textbook, whose pages flickered along the wind, arched my back on the foldable chair and stretched myself.

  Knowing very well that I’m not going to study when I go home, I had wanted to see if it would be better for me to study in the club room after school, but I realized that as long as I wasn’t interested in something, then there’s no way I could ever get it done, no matter where I was. It won’t be good physically or mentally to force myself to do something I don’t want to do. In other words, it is healthier if you don’t force yourself. That’s it, I’m not studying. I spun my automatic pen and closed my book, and decided to have a look at my mental stabilizer. The stabilizer which could sooth my cynical heart was now dressed in a maid costume and sitting opposite of me, working out her math problems.

  Looking intently at the questions, then scribbling away on the notebook; looking nonchalant while thinking, then suddenly writing like mad as though inspired by something - repeatedly performing these actions was none other than Asahina-san.

  I felt so much more relaxed just by looking. I suddenly felt a great sense of pity, as if throwing all my money, apart from my allowance, into a charity box in the street wasn’t that much of a problem. Asahina-san didn’t notice I was looking at her, and concentrated on studying her math. Her every action was enough to make me smile, in fact, I was already smiling. I felt like I was looking at a baby seal.

  Our eyes met.

  “Ah, w, what is it? D, did I do something strange?”

  Asahina-san frantically tidied herself all over, this made my heart melt even more. Just as I was about to sing my angelic praises……

  “Ya-ho!”

  The door was violently opened, in rushed the rough girl walking in strides.

  “Sorry, I was late.”

  There’s no need to apologize, since no one was waiting for you.

  Haruhi appeared with a scene, carrying a piece of bamboo shoot on her shoulder. It was a long piece of live bamboo stick, with green bamboo leaves growing on it. What are you bringing this thing here for? To make a bamboo piggy-bank?

  Haruhi puffed her chest and replied,

  “Why, it’s for hanging wishes, of course.”

  Why? What for?

  “Nothing really, since I haven’t hung these wishing bamboo sticks for a long time, so we might as well have one now, it’s Tanabata today, after all!”

  ……As usual, this had no meaning whatsoever.

  “Where’d you get this?”

  “The bamboo forest at the back of the school.”

  If I remember correctly, that’s private territory, you bamboo thief.

  “Does it really matter? The bamboo roots are grown underground, they wouldn’t be affected even if the top half of the shoot was cut off! It’d be an offense if I stole the whole shoot though. I got bitten by a few mosquitoes though, man it’s so itchy. Mikuru-chan, can you put some anti-itching cream on my back?”

  “Yes, right away!”

  Asahina-san walked in small steps carrying a first aid kit, she looked just like a nurse trainee. She took out the ointment, then placed her hand into the collar of the sailor uniform and onto Haruhi’s back. Haruhi bent forward and said,

  “A bit to the right……too right. Yes, right there.”

  Haruhi now looked like a kitty cat whose chin was being cuddled and blinked her eyes in relaxation. She placed the bamboo shoot by the window side, and calmly stood on the commander’s desk, then took out a few pieces of tanzaku from somewhere and smiled very happily,

  “Now let’s write down our wishes!”

  Nagato slowly lifted her head, Koizumi smiled cautiously, and Asahina-san widened her eyes. What was she up to this time? Haruhi leaped from the desk, her skirt fluttering with the wind as she said,

  “But there are conditions.”

  “What conditions?”

  “Kyon, do you know who it is that grants people wishes on Tanabata?”

  “Isn’t it Orihime and Hikoboshi?”

  “Correct. That’s ten points. Then, do you know which stars Orihime and Hikoboshi are referring to?”

  “Nope.”

  “Is it the Alpha Lyrae and Alpha Aquilae?”

  Koizumi answered quickly.

  “That’s right! 85 points! That’s the two stars! In other words, you must point the bamboo shoot carrying the tanzakus towards these two stars. Understood?”

  What are you trying to say? And just which category did the remaining 15 points belong to?

  Heh heh. Haruhi suddenly gave a sly expression fo
r no reason.

  “Let me explain. There’s no way we could travel faster than the speed of light, according to the Special Theory of Relativity.”

  Is there a meaning in telling me this all of a sudden? Haruhi took out a note cue from her skirt pocket and said loudly while reading along it,

  “Just to let you know. The distance between the Earth and the Alpha Lyrae and Alpha Aquila are twenty-five and sixteen light-years respectively. This means it would take twenty-five years and sixteen years to send a message from Earth to those stars. These are the facts - you get it?”

  Then what? Speaking of which, you actually bothered to research such information?

  “So this would equal the time required for a god to receive our wishes, right? We would have to wait for that long in order to get our wishes granted. So write down what you would wish for in twenty-five or sixteen years’ time! Writing wishes like ‘I wish to have a hunk of a boyfriend by next Christmas!’ is not going to work, because the wish won’t be granted on time!”

  Haruhi waved her arms greatly and continued to explain.

  “Hang on, if it takes twenty-odd years for the wish to reach there, wouldn’t it take just as long for it to come back? Doesn’t that mean we have to wait fifty years and thirty-two years respectively for our wishes to come true instead?”

  “Well, they’re gods. Of course they’re going to come up with something in order to help us. There’s always a 50% off auction sale once every year!”

  Whenever it suited her, she would disregard the Laws of Relativity completely and throw them out of the window.

  “Now, does everyone understand what I’m saying? There are two types of tanzakus, one for the Alpha Lyrae, and the other for Alpha Aquilae. So please write down what you would wish for in twenty-five years and sixteen years’ time.”

  That’s utterly ridiculous. Trying to pray for two wishes to be granted at the same time is just too shameless. Besides, there’s no way we would know what we’ll be doing in twenty-five years or sixteen years’ time. How should we know what wishes we’ll have by then now? The best one could do is wish that their retirement scheme or investment funds don’t go wrong and are working properly by then, I guess.