Volume 3 - The Boredom of Suzumiya Haruhi Read online

  To put it simply, the reason Asahina-san, Nagato, and Koizumi would appear in this school was all because of Haruhi. They all seem to hold a particular interest in Haruhi.

  To me, she was just a very giddy high school girl. But I was the only one who thought that way, and lately, I’m having doubts myself about this belief as well.

  I can guarantee that it wasn’t me that was going crazy.

  It was the whole world that was going crazy.

  Thanks to the experiences mentioned above, I was now standing in the dusty track field with the other out-of-this-world members of the brigade.

  Being forced off the field by us, the Baseball Team looked stunned at us. I mean, how else would they react? A mysterious club suddenly appears, with a sailor uniform schoolgirl, who seems to be their leader, waving a baseball bat and yelling insanely. While they were still busy being awestruck, the track field, which was reserved for the Baseball Team, was taken over before they even knew it. They were even made to pick up and throw the baseballs. How can they not be bewildered?

  Not to mention our group was dressed in normal school uniforms, plus one nurse amongst us.

  “Let’s start with a thousand bats!”

  Just as Haruhi had forecasted, standing in a row on the pitcher’s mound, we were now covered in a rain of baseballs.

  “Kyaa!”

  Asahina-san knelt down and covered her head with her glove, I risked my life to catch the balls, making sure they don’t hit her.

  Asahina-san knelt down and covered her head with her glove, I risked my life to catch the balls, making sure they don’t hit her. Speaking of which, each of Haruhi’s strikes had a killing instinct in them. No matter what she does, she always goes all out.

  Koizumi carried his usual grin and easily dodged the balls.

  “Hmm, I haven’t played like this for a long time. Makes me feel nostalgic about it.”

  Koizumi casually stepped away from Haruhi’s wild strikes while revealing his snow white teeth to me. If you have so much energy, why don’t you come help protect Asahina-san!?

  I turned to Nagato and saw her standing very still while facing Haruhi. She just stood there, completely ignoring the balls flying towards her direction. Not even when the ball flew past her ear by a few centimeters did she move a bit. Occasionally she would slowly move her gloved left hand, like a remote-controlled robot, and catch the balls that would directly hit her, then slowly put her hand down again. You ought to move around more. Or perhaps I should compliment you on your good eyes?

  Maybe I shouldn’t be paying attention to other people, as a bouncing hard ball skipped past my glove and under my legs, and went straight for Asahina-san’s knees. How careless of me.

  “Ouch!”

  Asahina-san the nurse yelled, “It hurts……”

  She started to sob, I can’t take this any longer.

  “I’m counting on you guys!”

  After telling Koizumi and Nagato that, I shielded Asahina-san and brought her out of the white line.

  “Hey! Where’re you going? Kyon! Mikuru-chan! Come back here!”

  “She needs medical treatment!”

  I lifted my hand and ignored Haruhi’s protests, then carried Asahina-san’s arm as I led her to the clinic. I’m sure her nurse uniform would fit in better in the clinic than inside the dusty club room or the rough track field. I can’t be wrong about this.

  Asahina-san covered her eyes with her hands to rub off her tears as she walked shoulder to shoulder with me on the corridor, it was only then that she realized she was leaning against me,

  “Kyaa!”

  She made a sound so cute that I would have loved to record it, and leaped away while looking up at me with her slightly reddened cheeks,

  “Kyon-kun, you can’t. If you get too close to me… It’ll happen again…”

  What’ll happen again? I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Asahina-san, you can go back now. I’ll tell Haruhi that the injury on your leg would take two days to heal.”

  “But…”

  “Don’t worry. Haruhi’s the one who’s wrong, there’s no need for Asahina-san to feel guilty about it.”

  I shook my hand and said that. Asahina-san lowered her head slightly and glanced at me, her teary-eyed look simply increased her charm further.

  “Thank you.”

  As Asahina-san gave me a smile so adorable my legs nearly wobbled, she turned around at me as though feeling sorry, then finally walked off. Couldn’t Haruhi learn from her for once? I have a feeling she wouldn’t look bad at all like that.

  When I returned to the field, the batting practice was still in progress. What surprised me was that the members of the Baseball Team were now in defense, while Koizumi and Nagato stood outside the field.

  When Koizumi saw me, he smiled happily.

  “Oh, you’ve returned?”

  “What’s she up to now?”

  “Just as you see. It seems she wasn’t satisfied with our performance, and she’s been like that since then.”

  She was simply incredible. Every ball she hit flew to the direction that she had intended.

  The three of us had nothing to do apart from observing Haruhi’s astounding strikes. This mentally insane girl finally put down her bat and rubbed off her sweat while looking very satisfied. Koizumi said cheerfully, “She’s really amazing. She actually managed a thousand hits.”

  “What’s really amazing is that you actually bothered to count.”

  “……”

  Nagato turned away silently, I decided to follow her as well.

  “Hey,”

  I made a suggestion to the little schoolgirl in her sailor uniform. “Could you make it rain on the day of the match? A big one that would force the match to be canceled.”

  “It’s not impossible.” Nagato walked while answering plainly, “But it is not recommended.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Partial data alteration of the environment would result in side-effects in the planet’s ecosystem.”

  “Side-effects? For how long?”

  “A few centuries to ten thousand years.”

  Now that’s a long time.

  “Then it’s better not to do it.”

  “Indeed.”

  Nagato nodded her head forward for five centimeters, then continued to walk forward without stopping.

  I turned around and saw Haruhi standing on the pitcher’s mound preparing to pitch.

  Two days later. Sunday. 8.00 A.M. Sharp.

  We were gathered at the Municipal Sports Ground. There were two baseball fields adjacent to the athletic track field. The tournament would take two weeks to complete. The tournament uses five-inning games. The semi-finalists were to be decided by tonight, with the semi-finals and final being played next Sunday. Only our team was dressed in our school’s track suit, while the other teams were dressed in their standard baseball uniforms. This is a bit off topic, but I’d still like to mention this, this was the first time I’ve seen Nagato wear something else besides her school uniform.

  I later learned that this grass baseball tournament had quite some history (this was the ninth installment), it looked like a prestigious tournament. If that was the case, how I wished the organizers would reject Haruhi’s application when she handed it in.

  I might as well mention this, after giving Taniguchi and Kunikida a call, the two of them agreed to come right away. Taniguchi’s targets were Asahina-san and Nagato, while Kunikida said, “This sounds like fun” and decided to come as well. I’m glad that they’re both so simple-minded.

  The person Asahina-san brought to help was a second year female upperclassman called Tsuruya. Her hair was as long as that of Haruhi’s before she cut it short. She was an energetic girl, as when she saw me she said,

  “So you’re Kyon-kun? Mikuru always talked about you. Hmm…”

  For some reason, Asahina-san felt very nervous with this comment. Just what did she say about me?

  At this moment, th
e fourth player I brought was now facing off with Haruhi.

  “Kyon, come over here.”

  Haruhi dragged me towards the side of the organizer’s tent with her incredible strength.

  “Just what were you thinking? Look at that thing, you’re actually going to let her play baseball?”

  “What do you mean ‘that thing?’ Isn’t that a bit too rude? She may be ‘a thing,’ but she’s still my sister.”

  “She even introduced herself, saying she’s now in fifth grade and is ten years old. She’s too adorable to be your sister. No, that’s not the point, it would have been fine if she were playing in the junior baseball league, but this is a baseball tournament for all ages!”

  I didn’t just bring my sister without thinking, this was all part of my meticulous plan. I thought - why on Earth do I want to get up on Sunday morning just to do some exercise? I never intended this. It was inevitable that things have developed to its current state. If that’s the case, it was only natural for me to at least want this tournament, which I have no interest in, to be over as quickly as possible. It would be excellent if we lose in no time and everyone can go home. Even without my sister, with such a rag-tag group, we’ll definitely lose the first game, since the leader of this team is none other than Suzumiya Haruhi. If we accidentally win, it would create a chain of bothersome events. This was why I had to inject something that would ensure the team would lose. If I brought an amateur elementary schoolgirl in, we would surely lose. Like hell we would win!

  Of course I couldn’t let Haruhi know what I was thinking, I wasn’t that insane after all.

  “Hmph, forget it.” Haruhi snorted and turned around. “We’ll let them win one inning. It won’t be fun if we win too much.”

  Looks like she’s hellbent on winning, just how does she intend to win?

  “We still haven’t decided on the fielding positions and batting order yet, what do you have in mind?”

  “I’ve already thought of that.”

  Haruhi’s face shone with satisfaction, as she took out a piece of paper from her track suit pocket. Leaving till today to decide on the positions, I have no idea what criteria she uses to decide who plays where.

  “I’ve decided to use this, I’m sure no one would disagree?”

  There were two pieces of papers. Each piece was drawn with eight lines. It resembled those ladder-tracing lottery games, was I seeing things?

  “What are you talking about? Of course it’s a lottery. It’s divided into lottery for batting and fielding positions. I’ll be the pitcher and first batter, by the way.”

  “So you’ve decided on this method instead?”

  “What’s with that look of yours? You got a problem with that? This is the most democratic way. Ancient Greek leaders were chosen by ladder-tracing as well, you know!”

  Stop comparing the political system of Ancient Greece with the selection method of a modern Japanese baseball team. Besides, you only decided this on your whim, just how democratic is that?

  …Forget it. This way, we could lose quickly. According to the tournament rules, the game would end if the score difference between the teams was more than ten runs. I think I should prepare to go home now, since our first opponent was a top team with the best defense in the tournament for the past three years.

  The Kamigahara Pirates. This was the baseball team of some nearby university. In a way, they had a tough playing style. They were all very serious, intending to win. We could catch a glimpse of their prowess just by watching their pre-match warm up. Their screams were so full of power, even their pitching was breathtaking. This was a proper team. From a bystander’s point of view, they were a formidable opponent. I thought to myself - have we come to the wrong place? At that moment, I really wanted to take a look around to make sure whether this was the venue for the baseball tournament - the Municipal Sports Ground.

  While I don’t feel that losing is a bad thing, I started to have an urge to escape from this impending tragedy. Our team was so crappy that I felt like apologizing to our opponents.

  Just when I was about to formulate an escape plan, Haruhi made everyone stand in one row,

  “I’m going to give out my strategy, everyone follow my instructions.”

  She sounded so much like a coach.

  “Listen carefully, our priority is to reach base. Once we reach base, we’ll be able to steal a base before the pitcher throws all three pitches. Swing at the ball if it’s a strike, but ignore it if it’s a ball. Simple, isn’t it? Just follow my plan and we’ll be able to get at least three runs per inning,”

  That was our game plan according to that brain of Haruhi’s, but just what was her confidence based on? It was based on nothing, of course. She is the physical manifestation of baseless confidence. But wouldn’t this sort of person usually be called an “idiot?” Besides, this girl is not just a normal idiot, she is an idiot at the top of the idiot food chain, the Queen Idiot of the Idiot World.

  Let me announce the batting and fielding position of the “SOS Brigade” baseball team, decided by the God of Lottery:

  First batter, pitcher: Suzumiya Haruhi. Second batter, right fielder: Asahina Mikuru. Third batter, center fielder: Nagato Yuki. Fourth batter, second baseman: Me. Fifth batter, left fielder: My sister. Sixth batter, catcher: Koizumi Itsuki. Seventh batter, first baseman: Kunikida. Eighth batter, third baseman: Tsuruya-san. Ninth batter, shortstop: Taniguchi.

  That was the line-up of our team. There were no substitutes or managers, and no cheerleaders even.

  After both teams paid their respects to each other, Haruhi went straight for the batter’s box. Completely forgetting the existence of helmets, we had to borrow some second-hand white helmets from the organizing committee. If there were anything that truly belonged to us, then it would have to be the nine yellow loudspeakers Haruhi brought for us.

  Haruhi pushed the tip of her helmet upwards and picked up the aluminum bat she snatched from the Baseball Team, then revealed a fearless smile.

  When the umpire yelled, “Play ball!” The opponent pitcher stretched his arm back and prepared to throw the first pitch.

  Whack!

  A loud clear metallic sound was made, and the white ball flew far off. It went over the head of the center fielder and bounced off the wall. By the time the ball was thrown infield, Haruhi had already run to the second base.

  I wasn’t particularly surprised, as this was a piece of cake for Haruhi. Asahina-san and Koizumi felt the same as well. As for Nagato, I guess her emotions does not include being surprised. However, the other members of the team besides us four were all stunned, and looked awestruck at Haruhi, who lifted both her arms and gave a V-sign. Our opponents were even more dumbfounded.

  “Their pitcher’s nothing! Just do what I did and you’ll be fine!”

  Haruhi yelled confidently. Unfortunately, what she did had the opposite effect. Since this would lead our opponents to cancel the thought of showing mercy on our girls.

  Our second batter, Asahina-san, wore her wide helmet and walked hesitantly towards the batter’s box.

  “M, may the best wi…… Kyaa!”

  Before she could finish, a high angled straight ball came shooting over. How dare these bastards do that!? If you strike Asahina-san out in three strikes, you’ll have to face serious consequences, a brawl was inevitable at best!

  Asahina-san had become as stiff as a Buddha statute, and only looked as the remaining two pitches flew past her. When the umpire announced that she was struck out, she breathed a sigh of relief and returned to the bench.

  “Hey! Why aren’t you swinging the bat!?”

  Haruhi’s complaints are nothing, what’s important was that Asahina-san was safe.

  Nagato, our third batter, walked silently to the batter’s box, dragging the tip of aluminum bat on the ground.

  “……”

  She ignored all the balls being pitched and was struck out very quickly. She then silently returned to the bench, took off her hel
met and handed the bat to the next batter - me.

  “……”

  She quietly sat on the bench and reverted to being a decorative doll.

  Haruhi’s yells were becoming annoying. Geez, it’s your fault for expecting so much from Asahina-san and Nagato.

  “Kyon! You’ve gotta hit this! You’re the fourth batter! The cleanup hitter!”

  I really do wish you wouldn’t put so much hope on a fourth batter who was just picked by lottery.

  I learned from Nagato and stood in the batter’s box silently.

  I didn’t swing at the first pitch. It was a strike. Now that was scary. That ball was fast. It basically sliced through the air and made a swishing noise. I had no idea what its speed was, but I guess it’s faster than one could blink. In fact, the moment I felt the pitcher had thrown the ball out, the ball had already landed in the catcher’s glove. Did Haruhi actually hit this sort of pitch?

  The second pitch. Whoa! The ball curved. Is this what they call a curveball? If I ignored it, it would be a ball, but I still swung at it. And so it ended with three consecutive strike outs, and both sides had to switch positions.

  “You idiot!”

  When our opponents went to their dugout to take a break, Haruhi yelled furiously at the left field and threw her glove to the ground.

  This was too embarrassing.

  To be precise, our defense had more holes than you would find in a tropical savanna ant hill.

  The outfield defense was especially ridiculous. It was perfectly normal for our right fielder Asahina-san and my sister the left fielder to not catch any balls at all, this I could tell from their pre-match warm ups. So when the ball flew to the right field, it had to be retrieved by me the second baseman; when it flew to the left field, Taniguchi the short stop would have to run for his life to retrieve the ball. Whenever Asahina-san sees the ball flying towards her, she would kneel down and cover her head with her glove, so don’t expect her to do any defending. As for my sister, she would chase the ball happily, but the ball would always land three feet away from where she was standing, so she wasn’t of much help either.