Volume 6 - The Wavering of Suzumiya Haruhi

  Volume 6

  The Wavering of Suzumiya Haruhi

  Live A Live

  This happened in my first year in high school.

  The year when the humanoid climatic anomaly known as Suzumiya Haruhi began her rampage, and also the most eventful year in my life. A year that gives me enough to fret about just by thinking back on all the troublesome events. When looking through my memory photo album, I found all sorts of jaw dropping things that had happened. One of these little events still makes a deep impression in the back of my mind, so allow me to share it with everyone.

  It was a time when the remnant summer heat refuses to leave the islands, making one suspect that someone had accidentally triggered a weather changing mechanism, since the calendar was already pointing to an autumn season.

  It was the day of the school festival.

  From declaring the making of the movie all the way to completing all the editing works, the ever insane director and executive producer had created a mess more confusing than any of the special effects added for the actors and crew involved.

  In the end, it was thanks to me that the movie can be sorted out properly.

  Today was the first day of the school festival, and also the premiere of the movie. I don’t know whether this movie titled The Adventures of Asahina Mikuru Episode 00 should be classified as a movie or a personal advertisement for Asahina-san. I suppose it’s now being shown with great reviews.

  Why did I say “suppose”? That’s because I no longer want to see my name associated with that crap movie that literally challenges the laws of physics. So after handing the tape to the Movie Study Group, I decided to take a stroll around and relax.

  Fortunately, when it comes to taking care of the small details and the diplomatic duty of promoting the movie, Haruhi becomes even more energetic as usual, ever leading the way as the commander.

  She probably doesn’t give a damn about the teachers and students, who by now have gotten used to her antics, but she should at least give some consideration for the parents and people from out of school who would be visiting today, because right now she’s wearing her bunny costume that was last worn earlier this spring! But thanks to this, Asahina-san, Nagato and Koizumi can now concentrate on preparing for their classes’ festival activities, which weren’t as boring as mine and Haruhi’s class 1-5.

  So right now I feel like the storm has finally subsided, my mind as clear as the mirror surface of a calm lake. Once the digital editing of the movie was done, my work was complete. I shook my sleepy head and decided to take a look at Nagato’s divinations, and maybe laugh at Koizumi’s crap acting for his class theatre. It may be a generic school festival by a lowly prefectural high school, but it is a festival after all, so it’s not a bad thing to go out and experience something you don’t get to see every day.

  Besides, today I have a duty that I must attend to, and that duty is now being clutched in my hand as a piece of paper.

  Of course, that piece of paper is none other than a discount coupon for Asahina-san’s class’ noodle stall.

  No matter how cheap the tea leaves, once brewed by the hands of Asahina-san, would turn into a heavenly elixir. So I’m sure a dish of fried noodles made by the same pair of hands would rival the best a top-class Chinese restaurant has to offer. As I walked up the stairs, my expectation for how my stomach would grumble at the scent of it was constantly rising, while my footsteps were so light I felt like flying.

  As I began my ascent into heaven in excitement, someone doused a cold bucket of water over my head,

  “It could have been better if they had offered us a coupon where we can eat for free.”

  The only person in this world who would complain so much was none other than Taniguchi. I only decided to invite him seeing how pitiful he was after falling into the pond when helping out as a movie extra, plus this was an opportunity of a lifetime. Otherwise I wouldn’t even consider him at all. What more could he ask for?

  “I gave my all helping you guys out, and I’m still waiting for my pay! You should at least invited me to the movie premiere. Don’t tell me you’ve cut out all my scenes. A 30% discount coupon just for nearly getting drowned is too cheap a reward!”

  Stop picking on the small details. Asahina-san has given us these coupons out of kindness so we could come to her class’ noodle stall! Besides, the most underpaid actress was Asahina-san herself. I even wanted to call up the Selection Committee for the Academy Awards and persuade them to give her an Oscar.

  “If you don’t feel like coming, hurry up and get lost!”

  Hearing me say that, the other person that came along decided to mediate,

  “Come on, Taniguchi, let’s go together. Since you had just wanted to stroll around on your own. It’s better sitting together than walking all alone.”

  That was my classmate Kunikida, who unlike Taniguchi had the looks of a bright student.

  “Besides, since we’re going with Kyon, we may even receive more offers. Like offering us more Kimchi, don’t you always like Korean food, Taniguchi?”

  “Well, sort of.”

  Taniguchi replied swiftly.

  “That would have to depend on how it tastes. Kyon, Asahina-san’s not cooking, is she?”

  Hearing that question, I remembered Asahina-san telling me she was only in charge of serving food and drinks. So what about it?

  “Oh nothing, I was just thinking Asahina-san’s probably crap at cooking. I wouldn’t be surprised even if she put in sugar instead of salt for flavouring.”

  It’s not that I want to complain, but just what are you and Haruhi treating Asahina-san as? Though she may be good at being a mascot and a maid, in this day and age, you would only find people who mistake sugar for salt in a fantasy world. Asahina-san would only panic when losing her time-travelling device, though that fact alone was enough to make me wonder if she’s really from the future.

  “I’m really looking forward to this,” said Kunikida, “I hear their class is going to have a cosplay cafe. Asahina-san’s waitress costume in the movie and the bunny girl costume the other day were all stunning, I wonder what she’ll be wearing this time?”

  “I can’t wait to see.”

  Taniguchi agreed soundly. These two were unlike me, who had gotten used to seeing Asahina-san in her maid costume every day. I suddenly felt pity for them.

  Coming out from the stairs and into the corridor, I too began to visualize what I would see. Speaking of waitresses, all my dirty mind could think of was that tight uniform she wore in the movie, giving me a great urge to want to molest her. Though today she would be wearing an adorable elegant waitress uniform, gracefully serving food and drinks. With such scenery to cleanse the eyes and soul, what more could one ask for? I always thought Haruhi’s preferred costumes were too complicated, after all, she was insane enough to stand at the school entrance dressing up as a bunny girl. These thick, steel-like nerves would probably suit a rough girl like her, but not everyone possesses nerves of steel.

  Asahina-san wearing the waitress costumes hand-made by her classmates……

  Only on this matter was I able to agree enthusiastically with Taniguchi: I’m very much looking forward to this. Very.

  Today the school corridors were laid with green grass mats that were no different from those inexpensive red carpets.

  Normally students have to change into their indoor shoes when entering the school, but for the visitors’ convenience, for today and tomorrow the school allowed people to enter wearing shoes for the duration of the school festival. All sorts of people appeared in the school as a result. This was especially true for those from the arts clubs, whose f
amilies have come to see their various performances. The school became a place for the local neighbourhood to kill time. There were also the students’ old junior high classmates, who came to visit from their various high schools, especially those from the girls’ school at the base of the hill. This became a once-in-a-year opportunity for the guys here to try their luck with them; certainly, that included Taniguchi.

  On the corridor where anything but a North High uniform would draw attention, the three of us were like sardines swimming towards a bait, and wandered along the corridor where the second year classrooms were, finally stopping before the classroom, which was between one that held mole-bashing games and one that provided balloons to visitors.

  The scent of burnt teriyaki travelled out from the entrance, which had a sign that read “NoodleAhs and Drinks Stall”. The queue outside this classroom was longer than any other classroom. Before we came to this meandering queue, a voice shouted,

  “Ah! Kyon-kun, you came with your friends as well! Welcome! Come this way!”

  That was a crispy clear voice and beaming smile that I would recognize even from ten yards away. Besides the troublesome Haruhi, I know only one other person who could smile so happily.

  It was none other than Tsuruya-san, and here she was dressed up in her waitress costume.

  Standing by the tables outside on the corridors and waving at us, Tsuruya-san seems to be in charge of selling tickets, as well as attracting customers.

  “Well? What you think of this costume? It looks great, doesn’t it?”

  Tsuruya-san moved with agility through the crowd and towards us.

  “Of course it does.”

  I adopted a low profile approach when looking at Tsuruya-san.

  I was so busy visualizing Asahina-san in her maid costume that I’ve forgotten that Tsuruya-san was in the same class as she was. Taniguchi and Kunikida had the look of a fisher that fished a flatfish, but found out that it comes along with a guppy biting its tail, and just looked astonished at this long-haired sempai. Couldn’t really blame them, really. I don’t know who designed this costume, but there must definitely be an expert fashion designer in their class. It was of a different style to the strange costumes Asahina-san was forced to wear for the movie. It wasn’t too extravagant, nor was it too generic. It gave elegance to whoever wears it, yet not overshadowing any glamor from the wearer herself, bringing the charm of the wearer to the maximum. It could easily be the best fashion design of the year.

  Anyway, the costume was so good it can only be described in such abstract terms. If Tsuruya-san was already so stunning in this costume, I think I would probably be paralysed by the sight of Asahina-san wearing it.

  “Business sure is good.”

  Hearing me say that,

  “Nya ha ha ha……Come on in then!”

  Ignoring the glares from the other people, Tsuruya-san elegantly lifted her apron and said,

  “We used the cheapest ingredients to fry our noodles, and it tastes terrible. Yet we still get so many customers, we’re making so much money that I can’t stop smiling!”

  Tsuruya-san sure looked really happy. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why everyone queueing up for this noodle stall were all guys. Tsuruya-san’s smiles carried a certain magic in them, even I was infected by her cheerfulness. After all, it’s men that are more easily deceived.

  We stood at the end of the long queue, Tsuruya-san continued serving her smile for free,

  “Please pay first! We only have fried noodles and water! One plate costs 300 yen, while you can drink all the tap water for free!”

  I gave her the discount coupons.

  “Hmm, three is it? Then that’ll be 500 yen for the three of you. A great discount!”

  She stuffed the coins into her apron pocket, then gave us three fried noodle vouchers.

  “Alright then, please wait a moment! It’ll be your turn soon!”

  Having said that, Tsuruya-san turned and returned to the table by the entrance. The coins in her apron pocket rang soundly as she disappeared within the queueing crowd.

  “She sure is energetic. How come she never gets tired?”

  Kunikida said looking impressed, while Taniguchi lowered his voice and said,

  “Kyon, I’ve been thinking about this for some time now. Who is that anyway? One of you and Suzumiya’s accomplices?”

  “No~~pe.”

  Just like you guys, Tsuruya-san is not of our club. She’s mainly used to make up the numbers whenever it was necessary, it’s just that she always seems to appear at the right time.

  For Tsuruya-san, “a moment” probably meant a little over half an hour, because we had to wait for about thirty minutes before we finally arrived at the front of the queue and was let in the classroom. While we were waiting, the queues behind us never stopped growing, and they were all guys……it was an unbelievable scene. Though we’re not qualified to say anything about them since we were part of the queue as well.

  The classroom was divided into two halves, one as a makeshift kitchen and the other as a seating area. The frying pans made loud sizzling noises from the frying of the noodles. The cooks were girls wearing white Japanese-style aprons, chopping up the ingredients with their knives were also girls. This made me wonder, where did all the guys in this class go? And what were they doing?

  I later learnt from Tsuruya-san that all the poor guys were basically serving as slaves for the girls, either being sent out to buy any insufficient ingredients and utensils, or to get water and wash the dishes. I guess it couldn’t be helped, the “Age of Aquarius” has truly arrived. Tsuruya-san brought us to our seats and said,

  “Here’s your table. Three drinks for the customers here!”

  An adorable voice replied at the sempai’s calling,

  “Coming~~. Ah, welcome.”

  Even if I didn’t mention, I’m sure most of you must have guessed who it was coming over, carrying a tray with cups of water on it.

  After handing out our drinks, she carried the tray with her arms and bowed politely to us,

  “Welcome! Thank you for coming to our little food stall!”

  She smiled gently at us,

  “Hi, Kyon-kun, and your friends……um, you were the movie extras……”

  The two people besides me said at the same time,

  “I’m Taniguchi!”

  “I’m Kunikida.”

  “Hee hee, I’m Asahina Mikuru.”

  There hanging on the classroom wall was a poster that read “No photos!” That move was understandable, since if photos were allowed, the room would fall into chaos, and not a lot of business would be made.

  It’s natural for the adorable Asahina-san to be able to charm the whole school. As expected, my consciousness flew into the air at the sight of her costume, there was no need for any words to further describe her cuteness. Asahina-san and Tsuruya-san were just so beautiful standing together that I wanted to award them with a best waitress costume design award. I guess heaven would be some place full with sceneries like that.

  Asahina-san put the tray under her arm and tore the noodle coupons into two halves, returning one half to us, she said,

  “Please wait a moment.”

  Under the watchful eyes of all the guys, she ran quickly to the makeshift kitchen. Tsuruya-san smiled and explained,

  “Mikuru is only in charge of receiving vouchers, collecting dishes and serving water. That’s all she does! What would we do if she accidentally trips over and burns herself with sizzling hot noodles? This is why we need to give our cover girl the best protection possible!”

  You’re absolutely right, Tsuruya-san.

  Serving us with our noodles was another second year waitress. The price of having more Kimchi was that we now have less meat, the noodles were normal at best, all we could taste was the sauce, it wasn’t really that great. Like a humming bird, Asahina-san now jumped from table to table serving water for the new customers and receiving vouchers. She would occasiona
lly come and pour some cold water for us, which wasn’t really that cold. That was the best she could do. Tsuruya-san was also busy coming in and out of the entrance receiving customers. It just didn’t feel good for us to sit too long.

  It took only five minutes for us to finish our noodles, and besides leaving quickly, there was nothing else we could do. Yet we were not quite full.

  “Now what should we do?”

  Kunikida asked,

  “I want to go see the movie Kyon made, just to make sure I’m in it. What about you, Taniguchi?”

  “I’m not going to waste my time watching such a movie!”

  Taniguchi refused stubbornly and took out an itinerary flyer for the school festival from his pocket.

  “There wasn’t that much to eat at that noodle stall, I’m going to the Science Club’s barbecue party! But before that……”

  He gave an evil grin,

  “I must make good use of this great opportunity, I’m going to go hook up with some girls! All my targets today are girls in casual wear. If you look carefully you would find three girls walking happily together. Surprisingly, if you flirt with those, half of them would actually agree to go out with you. These all came from my past experience of flirting with girls.”

  To hell with your flirting experiences, so far your success rate has been close to zero, what use can I have with such experiences?

  I quickly shook my head,

  “I’m not going. You two can go ahead.”

  “Ah.”

  Taniguchi gave a cold smile, while Kunikida nodded his head as though understanding something. Now that pissed me off, yet I could not find a way to argue back. It’s not that I’m afraid I would bump into someone when flirting with other girls, it’s just that……I just think it’s better to be safe.

  “It’s OK, Kyon. We understand you’re that sort of person. There’s no need to explain. We’re friends after all, right?”

  Taniguchi pretended to make a sigh, Kunikida quickly came and mediated,

  “Say, Taniguchi, I don’t think I’ll be flirting with girls as well today. Sorry about that. If you do happen to hook up with one, would you mind introducing her friend to me? We’re friends after all, right?”